Give In To You
by Artemis1414
Summary: After defeating Ultron, Natasha is struggling with her feelings, especially the ones about Steve Rogers. Set after Avengers: AoU.


**Author´s Notes: Hi everybody!** **This is a one shot Romanogers fanfic, set after Avengers: AoU. MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!** **It´s written in Natasha´s point of view. I hope you guys like it!**

 **English is not my first language so, I apologize for my mistakes.**

 **Also, I don´t own the Avengers or any of the Marvel characters.**

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 **GIVE IN TO YOU**

It was late night at the Avengers Tower. Natasha Romanoff was inside her room, lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She knew that it was going to be another sleepless night but, this time, her thoughts were not about her dark past, they were about a certain Super Soldier with sparkling blue eyes. She missed the times when she had only herself to care about, when she had her feelings under control, after all, that was what made her a good assassin. But after she joined the Avengers, her emotions were tested in ways she wasn´t used too. Right now she was jealous because Steve Rogers was out on a date with Sharon Carter and she felt silly for that, especially because she was the one that suggested that to him a long time ago.

Natasha sat up letting out a sad sigh. She rose to walk to her bedroom balcony. As she stepped outside, she ignored the cold wind that touched her thin silk nightgown. She bent over the railing and watched the city night lights for a moment. And then she tried to remind herself why she stayed there with Steve.

Since the team defeated Ultron a few months ago, Clint went back to his family, Thor went back to his world, Tony and Bruce left, so it was up to Natasha and Steve to train new recruits, to keep the Avengers initiative alive and start to rebuild a new S.H.I.E.L.D. She was fine with that. After her mind got tested by the Scarlet Witch´s powers and her heart broken when Bruce Banner left her, she felt crushed and overwhelmed by dark feelings. She wasn´t mad at Bruce, she understood his side too, she was mad at herself, for letting her walls down, for thinking that she still had a chance to have a good man in her life. At that time, she thought about leaving too, disappearing and never coming back, but she had to somehow undo all the sins of her past, she had a debt to pay. So she built her walls up again and decided that her mission in life, from that moment on, would be to serve good and protect the mankind until she died. Where better to do that than beside Steve Rogers. She liked having Steve around, in fact, she loved him. Yes, she was in love with him since they started working as partners, before the incident with the Winter Soldier. However, all this time she was in denial and she tried to set up Steve with other women because she thought that she wasn´t good enough for him and she wanted him to be happy. He deserved to have his life complete, to have a family, something that she was never going to be able to give him because of her initiation ritual when she was training to become the Black Widow. She would never be able to have children. So, she just made a deal with herself that she would never confess her love for him, never give in to him and, as hard as it was for her, she pretended that she didn´t see the signs that he gave her. There were subtle signs and, a highly trained spy like she was, could see them clearly. She didn´t know how deep his feelings for her were but she could tell that there was something more than just attraction between them. Steve cared about her, but she wouldn´t dare to put his hope up, afraid that she might disappoint him, taint him with her dark past. She felt like a monster after all the horrible things she did, so when she left him that day at D.C. cemetery, she allowed herself to give him a chaste kiss goodbye because after that day, she started to distance herself from Steve to make things easier. As much as she wanted to, she never called him, never sent him any messages.

After a year apart from Steve, the team got back together to go after Loki´s scepter. She greeted Steve with indifference, as she did with her other team mates and she could see that Steve seemed colder toward her too, so she thought that her mission was accomplished.

But then, with all her secrets out for the world to see after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., she needed to hang on to something, to feel connected to someone, and there was Bruce Banner, who seemed to be as lost as she was on the team of super heroes. When his alter ego, Hulk, started to somehow recognize her and feel calmer toward her, she thought that Bruce might have feelings for her. So at that time, she started to feel drawn to Bruce Banner because in her mind he would be a more reasonable pair for her and also someone to get Steve out of her head. He was a good man that had struggled with relationships as she had, he was someone that didn't have an image of righteousness to maintain, someone that would never have the chance to have a normal life, in a way, a monster like her. But that didn´t turn out well. After they defeated Ultron, he just left, without even saying goodbye.

So to keep the bad thoughts out of her head, she tried to keep herself busy, and when she wasn´t on missions or training the new agents, she found herself hanging out with Steve on their free time. They went to the training room together, ate their meals together, she sat on the couch reading a book while Steve was sketching some random drawing at the common room, so they were always around each other. She enjoyed that because being near Steve somehow made her feel at ease. They became close friends and she was happy with that. Her love for him was hidden behind her thick wall and she didn´t intend to let her guard down again anytime soon. But then, Sharon Carter had to appear.

Yes, when Sharon heard that Steve Rogers was in charge, she left the CIA and came back running to S.H.I.E.L.D. Since that happened, Sharon was always around Steve, and Natasha never had opportunities to be alone with Steve again, to have moments of soothing silence around him or just to talk about nothing in particular, so she started to distance herself from him again. Now, she misses being close to Steve more than ever and to make things even worse, Steve and Sharon started to go out on dates together and Natasha was experiencing a feeling she thought she would never have. Jealousy. Yes, the Black Widow was jealous of an ordinary blonde woman. Okay, maybe not that ordinary, she had to admit that Sharon had good skills as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and she was also beautiful and a good person. So she should just be happy for Steve because, in fact, Sharon was a great woman for him. But Natasha couldn´t do that. All she could do right now was to wonder if maybe she made the wrong decision, if maybe she should let him know about her feelings toward him because she just wanted him by her side, so bad! She just wishes she could go back in time and tell him that, but now is too late. She just didn´t know what to do anymore.

Natasha screamed in her head to stop that chain of thoughts and then just laughed out loud at herself because she can´t find the higher path, not even when it comes to the happiness of Steve. She was disgusted with herself. She turned around, went back inside her bedroom and changed into her gym clothes. Since she wasn´t going to be able to get any sleep, she decided to keep herself busy somewhere else because thinking was leading her to nowhere.

She made her way down to the training room. It was dark, so she turned the lights on, looked around for a moment and went to the punching bag. She started to punch and kick all her frustrations out on it. For several minutes she did that. She was so concentrated on puching that bag that she didn´t even hear the person that entered the training room and was now standing behind her. So she continued her powerful attacks until she ripped the bag with a high kick and sand started to come out from it.

"I thought it was my job to destroy the punching bags!" Steve said in a playful tone.

Natasha froze at her spot when she heard the familiar voice. That was the last person she needed mocking her right now, but she kept her composure and didn´t turn around to answer him: "Well, I didn´t destroyed it like you always do Rogers, it is just a little tear." She just kept looking at the sand falling out from the bag.

Steve chuckled and walked to stand beside Natasha: "Are you mad at someone because that kick was really something else!"

Natasha replied: "I´m mad at myself…" and then mentally kicked herself for saying that, immediately regretting it when she looked at Steve and saw that his expression went from playful to serious. She also noticed that he was all dressed up and remembered that he was supposed to be out with Sharon so, to avoid any questions about her reply, she said: "So, how was your date?"

Steve looked at her for a moment and then looked down: "Hum…not so great. I…I broke up with her."

Natasha wasn´t expecting that, so she silent stared at him before asking: "Why?"

Steve looked at Natasha again and with a shy smile he replied: "Because I have someone else in my mind."

Natasha raised an eyebrow: "Really? Then why did you asked Sharon out on the first place?"

Steve took a step forward and turned so that he was now standing in front of Natasha. He said looking at her green eyes: "Because…I thought this other woman didn't have feelings for me, I had…moved on." He studied her eyes for a moment and then continued: "But when I started to get close to Sharon, she started to act weird and distance herself from me. She started to stare at the walls again."

Natasha thought: _"Oh shit!"_ She knew he was talking about her but she didn't know how to react to that. She could feel her heart starting to beat faster, but tried to keep a blank expression on her face. She couldn´t believe that she had been so obvious about her behavior, but Steve knew her too well, they had spent too much time together on the last few months. Now, she didn't know if she should just kiss him or runway. So she just looked away and stared at the opposite wall.

Steve let out an exasperation breath and said: "You're doing it again Romanoff." He reached out to gently grab her chin to make her look at him again: "So…how long have you had feelings for me?"

"I..." Natasha couldn't find the words to answer that. The tought of lying crossed her mind, but she couldn't do that to Steve. So she involuntarily took a step back, away from his touch and looked away from his intense gaze, trying to find a way out of this.

Steve took a step forward and pleaded: "Be honest with me Natasha, please! I´m done playing this game of pretending that we don´t care about each other! I already made a mistake by waiting too long once, I´m not doing it again, so talk to me!"

Natasha met Steve´s determined blue eyes and knew he wouldn´t let this go, so she gave in to his plead and said softly: "Okay…since Fury put us to work together as partners, I got to know you better and…these feelings…started to grow on me."

Steve was surprised: "Wow! That long, huh. Women are so confusing! I don´t get it, why didn´t you say something? Why did you keep trying to set me up on dates with other women?"

Natasha answered quickly: "Because I´m not right for you, Steve."

Steve was disappointed at that, he replied in a bitter tone: "Really? You´re not right for me but you´re right for Bruce Banner? What does he have that I don´t?"

Natasha took another step back again and gasped. She blinked a few times to recover from that blow and said: "Nothing…everything…it´s complicated."

Steve took another step forward, closing the space between them. He wasn´t giving up, so he said in a firm tone, never taking his eyes away from her: "I know that I would never leave you like he did, so…try me."

Steve looked expectantly at Natasha who bit her lower lip nervously. She said hesitantly: "You´re Captain America…I´m the Black Widow. We are completely opposites. It´s not…meant to be."

Steve shook his head in disapproval: "That´s not a good excuse for me. Those are just code names, just part of who we are. I´m not Captain America all the time. I´m not perfect and you´re not the monster you think you are Natasha…try again."

Natasha could feel her walls coming down, she was trying really hard not to let her guard down, but Steve was managing to do it, his look and his words were getting to her. She took another step back and hit the wall behind her, so with no way out, she looked down to the floor and let it out, almost in a whisper: "I can´t give what you want. I can´t give you a normal life…"

Steve took another step forward, standing really close this time. Towering over her, he looked down at her and said: "I think I already gave that up when I joined the Avengers."

Natasha looked up to meet his eyes: "No, you don´t understand…I saw the look in your eyes when we were at Clint´s house…I saw how you looked at his family. I can´t give you that." Her eyes started to tear up: "When I was in the Red Room, they…sterilized me…I can´t have children, Steve." A tear rolled down her face.

Steve took that in for a moment and then replied with sadness: "I won´t lie. I wondered how it would feel like to have what Clint has." He brushed away her tear with his thumb and continued: "But honestly, I don´t know how he manages to have a family with the live we lead. Lately, when we come back alive from a mission, I'm just glad to be able to get through another day and, on these days, all I want to do is to be close to you, because…I love you Natasha."

Natasha was surprised. She knew Steve felt something for her, but she never thought that he loved her. Love had been denied for her for so long that hearing him say that to her made her feel a wave of emotions so strong that tears started to fall from her eyes. She finally realized what a fool she had been for pushing him away for so long. She had to put a hand on her mouth to control a sob from coming out.

Steve put a hand on her arm and started caressing it. He said softly: "Nat…I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to make you cry."

Natasha just shook her head at Steve and took her hand away from her mouth to tell him it was all right, but when she tried to say something a sob came out instead. Natasha closed her eyes trying to stop the tears and took a deep breath to control the sobs. She felt Steve´s hand gently squeezing her arm so, she opened her eyes again to see Steve´s worried face. She then managed to say: "You…love me?" Even knowing that Steve was always honest, she had do hear it again to believe it.

Steve gave her a half-smile and said: "Yes, I love you, with all my heart."

She couldn´t resist anymore, so she gave in to Steve. She threw her arms around his neck and got on the tip of her toes to give him a sweet and soft kiss on the lips. Steve put his hands on her waist and closed his eyes to kiss her back gently. Then Natasha broke the kiss, but kept holding on to Steve. She looked at his bright blue eyes and said softly: "I love you too…I always have."

Steve gave her a bright smile: "That´s enough for me!"

Natasha finally felt like she was complete, like she was whole again, so she smiled back, a real and full smile.

Steve caressed her face and said: "I like you better when you´re smiling."

Natasha replied playfully: "I like you better when you´re kissing me."

Steve smiled again: "Yes ma´am!" then he leaned down and kissed her again, passionately, holding her tight, like he was never letting her go.

THE END

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 **I would just like to say something about Avengers: AoU. What a great movie BUT, there were three parts that bothered me. They are:**

 **When Quicksilver dies from getting hit by bullets. God! I was so sad...and mad too because that´s a stupid way for him to die. I mean, why didn´t he try something else, like getting the bullets out of the way instead of standing in front of them! Come on, he´s Quicksilver for god´s sake!**

 **Clint has a family? What was that about? That didn´t really bothered me but I was as shocked as his team mates. And Natasha knew about it! Well, at least that explain why they are close friends and always taking care of each other.**

 **Natasha and Bruce togheter? What the f….! That was completely unnecessary for the movie to work, I hated it! So to let my frustrations out and to try understanding what was going on through Natasha´s head, I had to write this. Aaahh, and I enjoyed it because it made me feel a little better!:)**

 **Let´s now just hope that maybe on Captain America: Civil War, they might put Steve and Natasha together because I love them soooo much! I know Sharon will be around but, fingers crossed! Romanogers forever! Bye! ;)**


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